Fever Dreams

First off, it’s bloody October. Crazy.

I’m pretty ill at the mo, so my days are consisting of feeling sorry for myself in between binging series and downing mugs of Lemsip. This is also why I haven’t posted in a while, feeling pretty inhuman leads to some intense writers block. Instead, I’ve just been considering whether or not I could do the jobs of the people I’ve been watching. For instance, detective in the NYPD (in the likeness of the infallible Jake Peralta), probably not, since I’d get too mad about my unsolved cases. Living the life of a washed-up sitcom actor drinking away his existential dread may also be dreaming a little too large, I don’t know how Bojack copes with that many hangovers. Torture-dispensing demon learning philosophy with Kristen Bell? Now that’s the real Good Place, I’m in.

Back down to Earth though (see because that’s a common saying, and the show takes place in the afterlife, is why that’s so funny), I constantly see jobs on TV or online or whatever, and think “yeah, I could do that”. The notion of dream jobs seems somewhat childish, yet everyone has something they work towards, even a small change that would make them more comfortable in the position they hold, so may be more reasonable than at first glance. I’m just ‘lucky’ enough to lack being committed to a field already, so can fantasise a little broader. So, I’ve put some thought into one dream and one realistic job I hope whoever is controlling my Sim is directing me towards; hold on folks, this is about to get very cringe very quickly.

Dream – Voice Actor

Hear me out. This is my shout for the ideal level of fame, all the benefits with none of the annoyances. Imagine being that rich, and beloved by so many, yet able to walk down the street in relative anonymity; anyone who stops you must be a keen fan to know your face and won’t be wasting your time asking for a photo just for the sake of it. Even with total strangers, you have the ultimate ice-breaker on you at all times. I bet the guy who does Mario has pulled that out in a bar countless times, his self confidence must be off the charts. Plus, you get to live out everyone’s dream of turning up to work in your pyjamas without it being an issue, which I think we can all agree is the dream.

The only downside to this I can conceive of is if you were like at a party or something and started to do your iconic voice, and no-one believed you were actually that character. Like, imagine Dan Castellaneta pissed out his mind and people telling him he does “a really good Homer Simpson”, heads would be rolling.

Realistic – Philosophy Lecturer

When I was attending them, the ongoing joke at university open days was that the only job for those with a philosophy degree is teaching others how to get a philosophy degree. At the time, I laughed this off. Yeah yeah, the subject is irrelevant now, since we’re not living in ancient Greece I’m wasting my time, togas and white beards all round eh? But, now I’m into my third month of living at home, I’m really starting to worry that the subject is irrelevant and I need to find a way to get to ancient Greece…

Regardless, all through my life I have had people telling me they could see me ending up as a teacher (is that a compliment? Or do I just look like I’m capable of being bullied by a group of teenagers?). I’ve been considering doing a masters since I left York, and if the jokes really are as true as they seem, I may well end up proving these people right. Planning my own little lectures, having my own little office and months off at a time to work on my own little book all sound extremely tempting, and I bet if you’re a likeable lecturer you feel like a mini-celebrity walking around campus. I once went on a philosophy society night out where we all wore shirts with the outline of our favourite lecturers beard and moustache on them, I’d want that on my bloody tombstone if that happened to me. Need to be able to grow facial hair first though, I suppose.

Do I talk about uni too much in these things? I feel as if I always end up coming back to it, must be torture to read. Anyway, just a bit of fun, something a bit more casual and hopeful to entertain my mind in the few hours it manages to keep me conscious for. It’s been quite fun to be fair, and makes me wonder what everyone else would say, given a free choice. Stunt man? Game reviewer? Zoo owner? I once had a kid tell me he wanted to be a dolphin shaver when he grew up, I hadn’t the heart to tell him; let’s all keep dreaming like him instead.

‘Til the next time everyone

Dan